You wouldn’t know I was crying. The rain lashed on me and my face was drenched with sorrow. Those flowers I had got was the most I could do. Dressed in my only black suit and the only tie gifted by him, I, after 10 years of his death went to my father’s grave. The stone said, “Life is a precious gift.” I sat there thinking.
What have I made of this God’s gift? Drunken solitude was my only friend. 10 years before I lost my only friend. Worked hard, made money but was still forlorn. That smile was so tough even to fake. My mind churned with thought and emotion. Few days back a man met me down at the bar. He asked, “Son, what is a young man like you doing alone at the bar on a Friday night?” Well, I wanted to tell him, this young man had never grown up. That always smiling, balls to the world guy had suddenly been hit by the ball, in the face. My father was buried that evening.
Today on a Sunday morning I couldn’t even find my way back to that bar. I wanted to talk to that old bearded man, but I thought searching for his grave made more sense than searching for the bar. Time passes and you grow. You realize or you get lost. Chasing your aspirations you forget the rhyme and follow the reason. You can buy a house but cannot make it home. You have enough money to go to Tiffany’s and buy a pretty lass a diamond, but you don’t care enough to buy some bread for a poor child in Harlem. You may scale heights but the thorns on the ground prick you. You are scared to live, to be happy, and to give happiness. Today, on his grave I smile. A man, who did all I couldn’t and maybe will never do it, lays in peace.
This smile, I searched for 10 years. In a woman’s arms, in a plush office overlooking the Hudson, on the top of Alps and the bottom of the Canyon, never found it. They say smile is sunshine. I had lived in a gloomy world, a world of loneliness. A world where I had all, but nothing.
Not that I have reached the acme of my achievements, but yes, my drive to scale further heights had dried out. That belly has no more fire to douse and that mind wants to rest. I get up, one last look at the smiling face. I said, “I don’t know when I’ll see you next.” I walk off, now bright and sunny. No tears. Yet another 10 years of trying to smile in vain, and I am sure I will be back again, to smile.
What have I made of this God’s gift? Drunken solitude was my only friend. 10 years before I lost my only friend. Worked hard, made money but was still forlorn. That smile was so tough even to fake. My mind churned with thought and emotion. Few days back a man met me down at the bar. He asked, “Son, what is a young man like you doing alone at the bar on a Friday night?” Well, I wanted to tell him, this young man had never grown up. That always smiling, balls to the world guy had suddenly been hit by the ball, in the face. My father was buried that evening.
Today on a Sunday morning I couldn’t even find my way back to that bar. I wanted to talk to that old bearded man, but I thought searching for his grave made more sense than searching for the bar. Time passes and you grow. You realize or you get lost. Chasing your aspirations you forget the rhyme and follow the reason. You can buy a house but cannot make it home. You have enough money to go to Tiffany’s and buy a pretty lass a diamond, but you don’t care enough to buy some bread for a poor child in Harlem. You may scale heights but the thorns on the ground prick you. You are scared to live, to be happy, and to give happiness. Today, on his grave I smile. A man, who did all I couldn’t and maybe will never do it, lays in peace.
This smile, I searched for 10 years. In a woman’s arms, in a plush office overlooking the Hudson, on the top of Alps and the bottom of the Canyon, never found it. They say smile is sunshine. I had lived in a gloomy world, a world of loneliness. A world where I had all, but nothing.
Not that I have reached the acme of my achievements, but yes, my drive to scale further heights had dried out. That belly has no more fire to douse and that mind wants to rest. I get up, one last look at the smiling face. I said, “I don’t know when I’ll see you next.” I walk off, now bright and sunny. No tears. Yet another 10 years of trying to smile in vain, and I am sure I will be back again, to smile.
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